Hey, Ireland, I’ll let you in on a little secret. As much crap as you talk about the immigrants within your borders, we talk about you too.
Even after nearly five years of living in Dublin, a town I’ve grown to love, and genuinely call “home”, I still find myself having days when things don’t go my way, reflex kicks in, and I blame it all on Ireland and the Irish.
“Ahh, Christ, it’s feckin’ Thursday. Typical Ireland. Letting Thursday follow Wednesday.”
Okay, I’m not quite that bad, but there are days when it’s close. If things aren’t going my way I may lapse into a round of “God damn Ireland, that’s so typical. How very Second World”, etc. And from what my wife tells me, I’m not the only immigrant to have these feelings.
As the daughter of immigrants in America she recalls her family and immigrant friends of the family waxing rhapsodically about the old country and how America just isn’t the same. And, now, as an adult she hates it when I, and others, do it here in Ireland. Though I catch her slipping into it sometimes too. It seems a condition common among many/most migrants to feel down about the choices they’ve made, and have regrets.
Now, don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of things screwed up in Ireland (and, of course, everywhere else, including America – so spare me the “America’s bad too” comparative hate mail). But when I, and everybody else, lash out at their new home in this way, it’s really not about you; it’s about me (us). It’s about me having a bad day. It’s about me having a hard time adjusting to the system. It’s about me thinking I’ve finally got the kinks worked out, and am fitting in, and then having the world jump up and trip me over something stupid (something I would have seen if I hadn’t let myself get overconfident).
And I think the reason so many immigrants run afoul of this trap is because we all go through those stages of thinking we’re fitting in and finally “home”. We imagine that we’re approaching that state of grace (belonging) we’d hope to find (the absence of which is often the very thing that made us want to leave home in the first place), only to be reminded that it’s not perfect here either. So we go back to doubting our choices.
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And regret is not a state of grace, and it’s most definitely not why we came.
Pa,
Glenn K.
Dublin, May 2016
Things to look forward to in upcoming posts:
Hobbies, activities, and finding your niche as an immigrant.
Hi Glenn, I first read your post about 5 things you hate about Dublin about a month into my move here. I was astounded that we had noticed nearly all of the same things, and within the same time frame (emphasis, once more, on those stupid double taps). Additionally, just seeing your list gave me a sense of comfort, and a sense of relief that I’m not absolutely insane as I had previously thought, based on the confused reactions of my partner (an Irishman) and his friends (also Irish). I’ve been here 4 months now, and while I’ve gotten used to furiously passing my hands under the hot, cold, hot, cold, hot taps to create a murky concoction of kinda sorta lukewarm water, my biggest sense of discomfort comes from doubting my decision to move here to Dublin. My home is Canada, and it’s becoming vividly apparent that the living standards are quite different here. I don’t expect perfection, and I’m slowly coming to terms with the country’s deliberate choice of a pint of Guinness over efficiency, but I feel a sort of maddening fear creeping over me. Most days, it sounds like: You left a first world country that believes the customer is always right, that offers you a doctor at no fee, that respects a woman’s right to choose, that believes in honouring appointments and writing in plain text on its official government websites….to live here with a significant other who happens to be Irish. Is one person enough to knowingly downgrade your living conditions? How does one cope with that? I’ll end my post here, somewhere between a diary entry and a plea the likes of “how did you do it, Glenn?” and hope that you will have time to drop me a line, or perhaps, to run into me on a street the name of which I’ve yet to learn.
Hi Alisa,
First, let me say I’m sorry Ireland is not working out for you.
Second, I’m not sure what I can say except that I wouldn’t counsel moving “for” someone else under any circumstances. If living overseas is not something that you’d thought of doing before you met the person, it’s such a big step that I wouldn’t recommend doing it based on anything as frail as human relationships. That has less to do with the move than the relationship. If moving doesn’t work out, for any number of reasons, and the new country doesn’t suit you, you may hold it against person, and that’s bad for what night otherwise be a very good relationship.
Also, Ireland may be working out for me more than you because I suspect I’m older than you. But older/younger, I’m sure we’re both looking for different things out of life right now. Who knows, in 5 years you may love it and I’ll be itching to move.
Finally, as you say, you came from Canada and I came from America, so we’re comparing different things. Right now, the U.S. is a pretty unappealing place.
Anyway, I’d say hang in and give it a full year at least.
Best,
Glenn K.
I moved retired here from the US two years ago. I have an Irish passport and friends and relative here. I lived here for almost ten years in the 70s and 80s, was married here
and our son was born in Cork. I also spent summers here with relatives. So in a way I was coming home.
I really think that most Americans would run from Ireland screaming! Buying a house was a nightmare even as cash buyers. We had a deposit down on three houses. The first one kept our deposit for six months then the seller decided to pull out. He put the house up for sale again three months later with a higher asking price. Same with the second house. We were renting a house in a beautiful fishing village. It had storage heating and
a dryer. Our electric bill was €847. Don’t even own a dryer now!
Getting a drivers license was awful. Had to apply as a new driver. Had to take minimum
10 lessons and do the test. Failed first two times. Even though I have been driving since 1972 I was told that driving in New York does not mean you can drive in Tralee!
Dealing with banks is another hassle. It took two months to get them to change our
address. They were sending my Visa bill to the US. Tried to make a payment and was told that they don’t take checks! This was an Irish bank account that we had since 1980.
We could never have survived without help and advice from relatives.
Getting reacquainted with Irish culture was not easy. When we expect friends to visit we
now know that 2pm really means after three. I will yeah means maybe. I will now, in a minute means you just will have to wait!
All that being said, I am glad to be back and would not want to live anywhere else!
Hey Tom,
Thanks for sharing.
Yes, living here is atrial at times, but,I’m juts like you. I don’t want to live anywhere else.
Cheers,
GK